Limitations

[ Sighs ]



Hey Pa Sivv, you don't look like yourself today... What's on your mind?



... Q. Rius. I think I have a problem. I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone. I'd tell S. Mart, but he's too much of a blabber mouth.


Oh... okay! You can trust me. :]



Q. Rius... I get scared to stand up for myself. The reason why I can be so passive and full of jokes sometimes is because it usually doesn't require that I have to stand my ground... Like Hayta. Damn, she's assertive. It's intimidating.

Pa Sivv! It's not as bad as you think! I mean, look at the life you have. You have everything you need to live. You're living a stable life. You're doing well! You must've stood up for yourself to get where you are today many times!

But Q. Rius... The reason why I have everything is because I never stepped on people's toes before. I always did what I had to, without upsetting anyone.


... So what are you trying to say?



I want to be more... But I'm scared.



Scared of what? What's holding you back?



... People. What they'd think. They've always seen me this way... I'm scared to change... I'm scared of what they'll say... And what if I change for the worse?


Pa Sivv...

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Limitations
Cultural Presentation
Fri. Nov. 21st, 2008

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Parts of the presentation that's offered here (the rest may come later):
[] Youtube Video of the Cultural Presentation
[x] Jen Amos' Opening Word - "Limitations"
[] Discussion groups - Topic: "Am I Limited?"
[] Sarah Marasigan's Poem
[x] RonJ Pascual's Poem
[x] Thanh Hoang's Poem (*Added 11/26)
[] Jon Valdez' Poem
[x] "Young Won's" Poem
[x] Jen Amos' Closing Poem

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"Limitations" by Jen Amos

Am I Limited?

My name is Jen Amos.
I’m 20 years old and a military kid
I go to SDSU and am a third year student.
I’m also active in AB Samahan a Filipino organization
Because I’m a curious Filipina, a curious Filipina American

I’m here to learn about my roots so one day I can grow new fruits
I feel like the first course of action in figuring out my passion is to first know where I come from
So I use this organization’s resources and meet many faces
I absorb as much as I can because I know it’ll help me get places
I’m driven by passion that I have to mention…sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with enthusiasm
But to keep it simple, I’m striving to succeed striving to achieve beyond the definition of success that many people believe
I truly believe I can do and succeed in anything I put my heart into
But often do others challenge me in what I believe is true

I usually get that look, kind of like a look of doubt
Why the lack of confidence? Is there something you want to forewarn me about?

“Watch out for obstacles, especially society’s norms and unwritten regulations.
Jen, you’re driven now but wait till you realize your limitations.”

Excuse me? My limitations?

Am I limited because I live in the new millennium?
The age of information that has preceded industrialization?
Information has become easily attainable
Hello! I can get anything
Whatever, whenever, however I want to be knowledgeable

Am I limited?
Because I live in the USA? An individualist country.
We’re all about progression in our own personal succession that teamwork is rarely genuine. Oh, the competition
Not to mention the imposition we cast upon one another
“Do this yourself. The resources are out there. You have to apply yourself. This is how you’ll get better.”
But I have to be proactive cause if I am reactive, none of this will be possible

Okay… I gotta admit… Maybe that’s one of my limitations. I get scared to reach out and ask questions.
I get scared to ask for help and just wish someone would reach out to me.

Am I limited?
Because I can get hesitant. More than half of the things I do I am afraid. I’m not always confident.
Competition is intimidating. And I usually avoid debating cause I’ll always find someone who can refute better than me.
I am most afraid to speak up for what I believe is right.
Let alone stepping out of my comfort zone.

But before I can get in dept about my insecurities, you hint at me
“Jen, the limitations are beyond what you struggle with internally…”

So what is it? What else can limit me?

Am I limited because my family expects so much from me?
They try guilt tripping me to abide and agree
“We gave you everything and we can take it away just as easily.”
Am I limited because my friends and my significant other mean so much to me?
That I make too many sacrifices and use up a lot of my studying time just to make them happy?

What else could it be? You tell me to think less deeply.

Is it my homeland’s history?
If it’s not America today, is it the Philippines’ past holding me back?
From 300 years of colonization by the Spaniards to the US
To Manila’s destruction in WWII to the day US gave the Philippines independence
When people look at me, do they associate me with my homeland’s past?
Has what happened before cast a limitation on me.
Do they think I’m sensitive, so they treat me differently?

It’s less than that, isn’t it?
It’s less than my location, less than the people I love
Less than my history.
It must deal with equity … or lack there of

Am I limited?
Because of my age? Because I’m a student?
Because I’m a female?

Or am I limited because of my origin
The color of my skin
The fact that I’m a Pinay
If I try my best in anything I want to do will it bring great reward to me?
Or will that glass ceiling keep me down because I’m a minority?

[ This is where we break into discussion groups (Topic: "Am I Limited"). When discussions end, poems are recited. ]

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Break (Samahan Cultural Exclusive)
By RonJ Pascual

Am I limited?

What I am does not define me.
Where my roots are planted does not bind me,
matter of fact it's where I'm from that drives me.

I am inspired to make a change.
A change in how the world sees me
and a change in how I see the world.

The structure of society might try to
limit me and hold me down with its stereotypes,
but it is that very challenge to my potential
that makes the difference.

Pilipino ako.
Acquiescent I am not.

I am a son of a culture brimming
with beauty and pride.

My history is that of perseverance and heart;
of conquerors of destiny.

I am a descendant of warriors, philosphers,
artists, and musicians.

Mabuhay.
A word that lived in the hearts of revolutions
and a belief that led movements.

Am I limited?

Ako ay Pilipino.

I am limitless.

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Poem by Thanh Hoang

Am I limited?
Let's flip this metaphoric script
And I ask you,
Do you limit yourself?
Are you limited by these
Preconceived notions that
you constantly mentally note,
that you aren't as good
as anyone out there
just because the color of
your skin,
the color of your hair,
the color of your eyes
the color of any of your
characteristics that differentiate
you... from... them?

I ask you,
Do you limit yourself?
Are you limited by
The Untangible?
By your history,
By your culture,
By your economic standing,
or do you lack time and funds?

Do you limit yourself?
Yes,
The only limit you have is
the limits of your imagination
and your will and determination.

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Poem by "Young Won"

In this world I feel so limited
I'm am not able to live to what I really wanted
I had plans on what I wanted to do in college
But it’s hard
When I live in a home
Where my dad is pulling me back
With a chain full of stones
I can’t escape his grasps because I’m tied to his home

I want to be able to do what I want
But I cant, because he wants me to do what he wants
I can’t do what I want to do
Because I live under his roof
He is the one who gave me my shirt and my shoes
I wanted to do something with my self
I wanted to get away from everyone else
I wanted to be free
Fly skies, and over the seas
To fly around the world, and feel the breeze
But I couldn’t because he wanted to watch over me
I am the one who wanted to get away from him
But he told me it would be against my religion
That it would be a sin
My life to me looks grim
He has me in a chokehold

Suppressing me, putting me in a box
I’m telling him I want to get out but he says, “Hey I'm the one who bought your shoes and your socks.”
Pops, your limiting me
Your holding back from my friends
I miss the laughter I used to have with them
I ask him if I can get out for a minute
And he says no because I didn’t bring it
Because I didn’t bring the grades
Because you wanted strait A’s
But all I could get were B’s
Hey pops cant you see
That you are living in a different reality
You are limiting me
With all the rules you are giving me
I'm sorry I can’t see what you see
That I am a different generation, a different seed
You can’t see what I see
I see a different reality
You are the one limiting me
I told you I want to be away from your home
So I could have the ability to roam
I want to find that grass that is greener
But you said I have to stay here
You are steering my car, my ride, my life
I hope you know that this isn’t right
You say that you are proud
But actions speak louder than words, and your actions are loud
You being disappointed in me hurts more than you being mad
I am sorry I am not what you wanted dad

U denied me my right to study where I wanted
I got into every college I applied to
But you wanted me to stay here and go to SDSU
I said I wanted to go to San Francisco state
I said I wanted my own place
But you said I had to stay
Can’t you see that you are the one limiting me?
From what I can potentially be
So will you take this time
To listen to your own son’s rhymes
Because pops you are the one limiting me
From MY true REALITY

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Jen Amos' Closing Poem

Am I limited?
Is anything internally holding me back? Is anything externally throwing me off track?
Will I be kept down because I’m a minority?

I say no. I’m only as inferior as I allow myself to be.
I say forget external factors, forget that.
I will be aware of unwritten limitations but I won’t let them hold me back.
I will not be defeated before I even begin battle
There’s just so many lives I want to touch so many lives to rattle

I’m going to do whatever it takes.
Because I have what it takes.
I have what it takes
Damnit, I have what it takes.

I’ve considered the stakes
Discrimination and stereotypes, I will break them
It starts with how I feel inside and the potential I have within

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... Pa Sivv?



... I have a lot of thinking to do.